Soup & Fried Oysters

What's better than soup on a cold winter's day? Soup with a side of fried oysters.

So after making a trip, in the freezing cold, to a couple of Brooklyn's farmers markets, we were in dire need of sustenance. To rid the cold of our bones, it was decided upon that we would make soup.

Potato, Leek & Carrot Soup

1 Leek

1 Carrot

1 Potato

1/2 chopped

1/2 cubed

Put all ingredients, except the cubed potatoes, in a pot. Add 2 cups of water, 1/2 a stalk of celery, 1 bay leaf, a pinch of sea salt, sage, black pepper, and smoked paprika. Bring to a simmer and cook for 15 - 20 minutes. Remove the bay leaf and take out that stick blender, food processor, or blender and puree until silky smooth, just like my ass when I was about 2. Pour the blended mixture back into the pot and add a splash or two of cream and the cubed potato. Finally, simmer until potatoes are to your liking.

For the fried oysters. We got our hands on some Blue Point oysters from Blue Point, Long Island...DUH. It's not rocket science. Oh, and did I mention that oysters are in season, bitches.

Well onto the hard part. Shuck those oysters. The pros make it look so easy, as do the You Tube videos, but I did not find it to be as easy. After having success with a couple, I did what any good meat loving, kitchen knife enthusiast would do... I went straight for my meat cleaver and started whacking the oysters with the blunt side of the knife. It's not like I was just smashing them to smithereens. I was strategically blasting them with the force of Thor right at the stupid little crustacean's hinge. It only took a couple dead on hits to separate the two halves of the shell. From there, with oyster shucking knife at hand, I directed the knife along the tops and bottoms of the shell's interior to disconnect meaty oyster love from its not so delicious shell.

For the whole fried part of this story, get yourself a bowl of:

a) Buttermilk

b) Seasoned Cornmeal

The seasoned cornmeal was made up of cornmeal, smoked paprika, red pepper, celery seed, and sea salt. Just let the oysters go for a swim in the buttermilk, making sure they are thoroughly coated, then toss them, one at a time, into the cornmeal bowl. Get an even coating of cornmeal on each one and into the fryer they go. Being the total food whores that we are, we happen to have a nifty little deep fryer, but for you poor ass bitches, heat some vegetable oil of your liking in a pot. Make sure it's enough for total oyster submersion. We don't want half fried oysters now do we?

Fry them until golden brown, which only takes like a minute, trust me. Slice up some awesome bread, ours was baked fresh from Roberta's. Get some mayo mixed up with chili powder, smoked paprika, and celery seed. I know, your saying "but I don't like mayo" in that whiney bitch voice that never shuts up. I say shut up and like it. Quinn hates mayo and the way she was gobbling it down, you'd never of guessed it. It was like seeing a freak on the street, eating fistfuls of mayo at a time. Made me want to throw up, but that wasn't an option, taking in to consideration that I had just eaten some awesome food.

Back to what you want to hear. Spread that slice of bread with the sex-freak-gross/tasty-mayo and drop a fried oyster on it. Now shut your trap, chew, and say thanks Kyle for getting me laid. You do know that's what these things do. They get people all hot and bothered. Your girl will practically be naked after the first bite, so long as you did what I told you to and cranked the heat up way too high in your shit box of an apartment, but don't forget to eat your soup.

Who's your daddy!?